FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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