the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
