She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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