ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have fence marks all over my body
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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