if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize