Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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