I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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