oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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