Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
