# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
