Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
