Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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