Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
