Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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