This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
