Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
