If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
