my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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