fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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