I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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