I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
