Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
