So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
