I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
