She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
