I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
