oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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