does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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