no, he came in my armpit
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
