My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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