who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
