i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
