Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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