You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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