Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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