we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
