You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
