Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my poor anus
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
