Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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