There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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