Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
