the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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