My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
