Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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