kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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