Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
