My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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