do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
