She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
