i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
