Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
