Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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