I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
