This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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