So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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