I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
