why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Watching her eat just hurts me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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