I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
