If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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