Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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