There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
