We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
