He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
