I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
