She announced her abortion via fbk
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.