My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits