think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor