bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
