Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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