Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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