DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
