his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You're like the curious george of whores
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
