This is not my ceiling
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
