omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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