Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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