Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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