if you like me you must not know who I am
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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