My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
